Baby Blues: If I am so happy, why can't I stop crying?

Baby Blues.

It is such a strange and unexpected thing to happen to moms. You wait for 9 long months expecting this joyful time with your baby and instead many moms are hit with this roller coaster ride of emotions called The Baby Blues.   

Has this ever happened to you?

Its 4:00 in the afternoon. You are sitting on the sofa feeding your baby, again. You have lost count of how many times you have changed his diaper today. You are still in your pajamas and you don’t remember the last time you washed your hair. The dishes are piled up in the sink. Your husband walks in the door from work and, innocently says, “Hi Honey. What did you do today?” And, to his utter surprise, you burst into a torrent of tears.

Does this sound familiar to anyone?  

Having a baby is unquestionably one of the happiest times in a couple’s life. But, this is another of those times that comes with unexpected feelings and emotions that takes moms and dads by surprise.

About 80% of new mothers experience The Baby Blues - some negative feelings or mood swings after the birth of the baby.

That’s right, the majority of new mommies feel some kind of real sadness or weepiness in the first few days after their baby is born.

Baby blues usually hit within 3-5 days after the birth of the baby. Depending on how the delivery was, the symptoms can be even more severe.

What are the symptoms of the Baby Blues? 

Some of the symptoms of the Baby Blues are :

* feeling weepy or crying for no particular reason

* being irritable or impatient

* feeling anxious

* feeling fatigueD

* feeling moody or having frequent mood changes

* difficulty concentrating

* insomnia

So what causes these emotions when I was expecting to feel so happy?

The answers are really not all that surprising.

Immediately after delivery, your own hormone levels drop dramatically to pre-pregnancy levels leading to feelings of depression.

Then there is the  emotional adjustment of switching roles from your previous life and adjusting to having a new baby in your life.

Add to that the sheer exhaustion some, if not most, women feel due to the disruptions in your sleep schedule. Sleep deprivation plays a huge role in baby blues.  

And even the experience of the labor and delivery can play a role in feeling really emotional .

Even erratic eating patterns and body image issues all can play a role in mood changes and baby blues.

All of these contribute to “feeling a bit blue”. 

How long do the baby blues last?

The  baby blues usually  last for about 2 weeks after delivery.

The episodes can last for a few minutes to a few hours a day, but you should notice that the symptoms should be briefer and last for shorter amounts of time with each passing day.

You may not even notice them any longer yourself.

Sometimes only those people around, like your mother or your spouse notice how “touchy” you are.

What can I do to make the blues better?

Realize that this is all normal.

Be easy on yourself.

Talk to someone when you are feeling down or sad.

Get some rest. I know you have heard me and others say “sleep when the baby sleeps”. Well, you heard this for a reason. Your body has been through a lot and you need to regain your strength. Being up every few hours day and night is exhausting. This is not the time to try to get your house cleaned or organize the baby’s room or write those thank you notes.

These first few weeks, all you can expect to do is get a shower, feed yourself and the baby. Spend the rest of the time - well - resting! 

Speaking of feeding yourself, that is the next thing you can do.

Make sure that you are eating.

This is also not the time to be worried about losing that baby weight. It will come off in due time. You must eat regularly to keep your moods level.

When should I be worried that this is more than the Baby Blues?

Almost all women experience the baby blues. But there are times when there is cause to be extra alert for warning signs of developing depression or anxiety or other mood disorders.

Baby Blues should not interfere with a mother’s ability to function.

Some women have a higher chance of having the baby blues lead to true postpartum depression or mood disorders.

If a mother has:

• a pre existing personal experience with depression or anxiety or mental health disorders in her past
• has experienced postpartum depression/anxiety/mood disorders with a previous delivery
• has experienced Depression or anxiety during this pregnancy
• stressful recent life events
• lack of social support (either a perceived lack of support or a real lack of support)
• family history of mental illness
• low self-esteem
• is a “worrier” or has a negative thinking style
• poor relationship with partner or close family

In those situations, you should always be more aware of possibility of the development of symptoms of postpartum depression,  anxiety, or mood disorders.

Postpartum mood disorders differ from the baby blues in how extreme and how negative the emotions are and how long lasting they are.

The symptoms can occur any time in the year following the birth of the baby - not just in the first weeks. They must occur for at least two weeks and be so difficult that they make it hard to live out your normal life and care for your baby. 

Keep in mind also  that you do not have to experience ALL of the symptoms. You may only have some of them.

But these symptoms are not the same as  just having a bad day. These symptoms are extreme, overwhelming  and even frightening. 

A lot of mothers who experience postpartum depression experience a significant amount of anxiety as well.  

Some of the symptoms of postpartum depression or mood disorders are:

• negative feelings such as  guilt and  irritability
• feeling disconnected from everyone else
• excessive worry, fears, anxiety and/or panic attacks
• anger or negative feelings toward or disinterest in the baby
• lack of enjoyment in motherhood
• appetite changes
• extreme exhaustion
• disturbed sleep - too much or not enough
• difficulty focusing
• worsening depression
• irritability or short temper 
• feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope 
• difficulty making decisions
• hopelessness or worthlessness
• feelings of guilt
• repetitive thoughts or behaviors or scary thoughts
• thoughts of hurting yourself or baby

What Should I do if I am having symptoms of Postpartum Mood Disorders?

If you are having symptoms like those above, you should call your personal physician, OB/GYN, or Midwife right away, particulary if :

*if symptoms are lasting longer than 2 weeks or

*symptoms are frightening or overwhelming to you or

*you feel out of control or

*symptoms are keeping you from caring for you baby or yourself

You or Someone close to you should call 911 or take you to the nearest local Emergency Facility immediately if you:

*feel you want to hurt yourself or the baby, or if you are making threatening comments about this or if you are hearing voices or seeing things that are telling you to harm yourself or the baby or others. 

Your doctor should be very experienced in dealing with mothers with postpartum depression and know how to help you get back on track to enjoying your life and your baby again.

Try not to feel guilty or beat yourself up.

There are many reasons why postpartum depression occurs.  You are not alone in the feelings that you are experiencing. Many new mothers feel this way.

The important thing to focus on is getting yourself healthy. Don’t try to fix this on your own.  Postpartum mood disorders can last for years if left untreated. But they are treatable,  with professional  help. And soon, you can be enjoying the life you dreamed of. 

Postpartum mood disorders are often under diagnosed for several reasons.

• Women often under report the severity of their symptoms thinking that they are just normal for a new mother.
• Many feel guilty - feeling like if they admit that they have postpartum depression or other disorders that they are in some way blaming their baby for their illness, or that they don’t love their baby or are not a good mother.

That is simply not the case. I know that you love your baby and it is taking every bit of your energy and effort to be the best mother for your baby.

• Sometimes family and friends downplay your symptoms, telling you that "all moms feel this way" - even when you know that cannot be true. 

So, it takes a lot of courage, and bravery and effort to reach and and get help sometimes. 

But you have to reach out for help. Because, the end result is worth it. Postpartum depression can be treated with professional help so that you can get that Dream Baby and Dream Family that you have longed for. 

One very important word of caution that I want to repeat:

If you are hearing voices or seeing things that no one else sees, if you have paranoid feelings that others are out to harm you. If you have thoughts of the devil or God telling you to do things or have feelings of hurting yourself or your baby, you must reach out for help immediately.

These symptoms require urgent attention as they could be signs of postpartum psychosis. If you don’t get help immediately, your illness may lead you to do things you would not ordinarily do. Do not wait for things to get better. Call 911immediately or go to the nearest emergency facility or ask your family to get help for you right away.

Here are some resources where you can seek help.

• If you are feeling suicidal or feel that you may hurt yourself, your baby or another person, have someone take you to the nearest emergency room or call 911.
• If you are alone and feeling suicidal - Call the National Suicidal Prevention Line 1(800)-273-TALK (8255)
• The first place that you should start if your symptoms are stable, is your personal physician or health care provider.

Talk to your obstetrician, midwife, internist or even your baby’s pediatrician about the symptoms that you are experiencing.

• If you need to find a counselor or therapist in your area check Postpartum Progress Here  
• For Resources, Support and Encouragement in your area,  Postpartum Support International Warmline - 1-800-944-4773 
• If you need a support group in your area or Online Support or Resources - Postpartum Progress   or Postpartum Support International 
• Resources for Fathers - Postpartum Support International 

If you are in therapy and still suffering, want more education or need more support, here is an online education and support course, Push Past Postpartum you may find helpful from Dr. Stephani Reinold, a Reproductive Psychiatrist and Perinatal Mental Health expert 

If you are looking for a loving and supportive community of moms who are great at encouraging without all of the judgement and pretense - come and join us at the Dream Baby Cafe Community. You will get education, guidance and encouragement there while you walk through the sometimes tough and mostly joyful parts of motherhood with a group of moms who are happy to walk with you. 

Most mothers will have a little baby blues. It is very natural but that doesn’t mean it is easy or understandable at the time. But, if your symptoms are more difficult or interfering with your life and care of your baby, you need to investigate further. 

I can still remember the day my breast milk came in with my second child. I was sitting with tears streaming down my face as my mother walked into my bedroom. She stopped and looked at me with concern and asked me why I was crying. I sniffed and wiped my nose and said “I.…don’t.…know.” She looked really relieved that something wasn't actually wrong with me or the baby and then she  started laughing. She hugged me. And then I started laughing too.

That is exactly how it can be. You are crying one minute and laughing the next.

And for the majority of mothers, Baby Blues passes about as quickly as it starts.

It is a hurdle that you will jump through while gaining one more bit of confidence on the journey of motherhood.

But if it seems too hard to enjoy your baby, don’t hesitate to ask for some help.

If you found this post to be helpful to you or if you know a mom who is struggling with emotions after the birth of her baby, share it on social media or email it to a friend.

I would love for you to share what your experience has been with the baby blues or postpartum mood disorders. How about coming over to the Dream Baby Cafe Community and sharing those with us over there?  And while you are there, let me know what kind of information you want to see more of in the future.