7 Ways Fathers Can Provide For Their Children

 Today is Father’s Day. Today everyone is celebrating you. But maybe you still feel afraid of being a father. I think this quote by Frank Pittman speaks for a lot of Fathers:

 “The guys who fear becoming fathers don’t understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man.”

You aren't expected to be perfect. But I think a lot of fathers aren't really sure what their role is anymore.

Traditionally dad’s job was to be the provider. There was a lot of pressure on “the man of the house”  to provide for his family.

But as society has changed and workplace norms have changed, the role of dad as “provider” has certainly changed. Women and moms are very capable financial providers for their families. That “man of the house “ role is no longer acceptable.

But as provider, it was easy to know what the expectations were for dads. So, it is understandable that there may be some fear about wading into the role of fatherhood now. 

The role of providing for your child is still very important - essential really. But providing takes on a lot of different faces now. Being a financial provider is only one part of that. I would say that fathers provide for their children in 7 different ways. So, for Father’s Day 2017 I am going to tell you 7 Ways Fathers Can Provide for their Children

#1 Financial

Certainly this is still very important. You need to make sure your child has a place to live that is safe, warm, and dry. It is your responsibility, along with their mother to make sure that they are clean and healthy, have food to eat,access to healthcare, and their educational needs are met.

But we all know men who have climbed the corporate ladder in the name of providing for their families at the expense of attention to their families. Maybe you grew up in a home such as this or know men now who are working so hard to provide the trappings of luxury that their children do not know them.

Your children may not remember the things you bought but they will remember the things you taught.

Be careful that you don't get confused by what you NEED to provide for your family and what you WANT to provide for your family.

#2 Time

This is probably the most valuable thing you can provide for your children. Your children will not remember so many things that you give them, but they will remember YOU. They will remember the essence of you - your presence in their lives - being with them.

I assure you they will remember you taking time to attend little league events, going to preschool functions like Donuts with dad, watching Disney movies and singing the songs.

I was with some family members recently at Disney on Ice and a dad and his 3 year old were with us. They both sang every word of all songs from Frozen together. That doesn't just happen. It comes from time spent together. Not putting a movie on and doing something else - being with her - enjoying what she enjoys.

It’s about doing what your child loves - from an early age - not waiting until they can do the things YOU like. It is getting to know them as they are and getting to know their personality as it develops. I promise you they have one - even as a baby. And they will remember you being there - reading books and making up the voices. Singing with them - all the way to being at their high school events. That is how you get to be invited into their life when they are older.

#3 Education

You are your child's first and most important teacher. From how to eat food (Here comes the airplane with some yummy green peas for you!) to teaching how to walk, to tying shoes, catching a ball, riding a bike, to how to dance or fix a car.

You are teaching so much more than just skills. You are teaching patience. perseverance. team work. taking turns. the art of conversation, So much more. Your child will remember those moments more than anything you ever paid someone to teach them. And you will remember those moments too.

#4 Guide for relationships

How you treat their mom- whether you are married or not - is how they will learn how men should treat a women. You are teaching your daughter  what to look for in a boyfriend and a husband. And your son is learning how to treat his girlfriends and future wife.

The way you talk to the check out clerk at the grocery store and the wait staff at restaurants teaches them the kind of manners you want them to have. Your interactions with people teaches your children how you value others. Because no matter what you tell them, it's how you live and act that has the most impact on their lives.

My mom used to say “Little eyes are watching you and little ears are listening”. So don't be surprised when you hear your words come out of their mouths. 

#5 Model for Handling Adversity

Don't be afraid to mess up. No one is perfect. We want so hard to protect our kids from disappointment and failure. But you know that's not possible.

And by being the helicopter parent, we shield our children from learning from little mistakes. Then when life's big adversity hits, they aren't prepared.

Let your children see that you mess up sometimes. Admit it. Apologize when you need to. (That teaches humility). When life's adversities - big and small come your way, don’t shield your children from them. (Don’t overwhelm your children with your emotion, get yourself under control first) But, as age appropriate, let your children share in your life events and see how you handle them and most importantly, how you persevere. Let them see where you derive your strength, and courage.

Let them see you support and guide those you love. Let them see you stand in the face of crisis and eventually come through. You may start out with small mistakes and disappointments as your child is young - breaking something of value, and working up from there as they get older and mature.

#6 Provide the fun!

Dads are so great at being the big kid! You don't have to be the grown up all the time (that's moms job!! JK) You see all those hilarious videos on the internet - They are almost always with dad and the kids!! It's your dad who does the goofy stuff that embarrasses you (but you secretly love it!) There's a reason Batdad has over 5 million views on Facebook. (Personally, I think his wife deserves an award -so don’t go to that extreme!) But laughter is essential in every home. The throw your head back and laugh uncontrollably stuff is in short supply. Those baby giggles are priceless and they are usually from watching someone be ridiculously silly.

Every day is an adventure. Don't wait and save up for the unforgettable moments - they are forgettable. The every day moments - they are the ones that the kids talk about their entire lives. Let your silly out.

#7 Provide a spiritual foundation.

It's a really crazy world out there. Sometimes it's scary to think what the future holds for our kids. The one thing I know is- You don't have to rely on yourself. I have a strong faith in God and I know that he loves you and your children. When the anxiety mounts and you don't have the answers, remember that you don't have to have it all worked out.

I also know that, now that my kids are grown, they have a faith from their childhood that they can come back to. They have a spiritual foundation. I can trust that even though I am not there to always give them advice or keep them safe, they are not alone.

You may be wondering why you should listen to words of advice from me? This isn't evidence based. I’m not even a dad. I'm a mom. What do I have to say to you.

Well that is all true. I'm not a dad but I have a dad. I have spent a lot of time with him this year as he has been really ill, and I have reflected more than ever on the kind of man and dad he is. He has had some incredibly challenging times but stood with dignity and strong in his faith.

I grew up in a very traditional time. My dad was a great provider - we didn't have a lot growing up but I didn't know that. You are always a hero in your child's eyes.

He is full of wisdom and highly respected. People have come to our home and rung the doorbell at all hours of the night seeking his counsel. I saw that as a child. It made an impression on me.

He is so funny! My boys tell “poppa stories” to their friends. But they love to be in his presence because of how he cares about each of them as people. He invests in their lives.

My dad didn't start out perfect. And he’s not, But becoming a dad made him make some life changes and along the way, life and becoming a father perfected him.

And My Dad gave me a good example of what I know  about Fathers.

So, This Father's Day, contemplate these 7 Ways Fathers Can Provide For Their Children through your finances, your time, teaching them, modeling how to handle adversity , guiding them in their relationships, being fun and providing a spiritual foundation.

I wish you a blessed day surrounded by those you love. And I hope that every day brings you joyful moments that make a lifetime of memories for you and your family.