3 Reasons for the 9 month Sleep Regression (None of them are your fault!)

Whether you have had a child who has slept beautifully from 6 weeks on or your child has not slept with any kind of schedule at all, when 9 months comes along, parents often hit a brick wall and start crying out for help themselves. Why is that? Because sleep can sometimes get crazy around 9 months of age. 

I am writing this blog post because one of the moms in the Private Dream Baby Cafe Community asked for help after we had worked on her little one's sleep. We had finally gotten that little one loving her sleep and now, here she was waking up again.

This former exhausted mommy said "I don't understand. What is going on?" Because even in the best of sleepers, there are typically some problem times that will come along to cause some temporary kinks in sleep schedules.

Those times are illnesses, a change in routine, the dreaded time change, and predictable times in development  called sleep regressions.

Sleep Regressions are predictable times in a baby’s development when their night sleep or naps are disrupted by bursts in physical or mental development.  

And Oh BOY! can those times be tough. All of the sudden babies are waking very frequently during the night - crying or playing, naps are disturbed and everyone is exhausted. 

I think that the 9 month sleep regression is one of the hardest for parents to deal with because there are 3 really big events going on at once during this time that cause these sleep challenges. (This can actually happen anywhere from 8-10 months.)

These three events are

• The Onset of Separation Anxiety
•  The Burst in Developmental Milestones and
• Dropping that 3rd Nap.

It helps to understand what is going on with a baby’s sleep,  if you understand what is going on with a baby’s development at this age.

Any time your baby is struggling with sleep, go back and look at their development and see if any new skills are forming.

So let's take a look at 9 month development  to start with .

9 month Developmental Milestones

Social/ Emotional

Developing a Fear of strangers

Separation Anxiety

Clingy

Begin to develop an attachment to toys - favorites

Language/Communication

Understands no

Learning language - repeats consonants (mamama bababa)

Copies gestures ( wave bye bye, pat a cake) and sounds

Uses finger to point

Cognitive learning/ thinking/ reasoning/ problem solving

Looks for things she sees you hide

Watches things as it falls

Plays peek-a-boo

Feeds self

Back and forth play

Physical Development

Can get to sitting

Pulls up to stand

Crawls

Stands holding on

Cruising

Thumb and forefinger pincer grasp

By This age - should be able to  

Respond to name

Follow gaze as you point

Reciprocal play

Why are those skills important and why do they mess with sleep?

Reason #1 Object Permanence and Separation Anxiety develops at this age.

At this point, baby knows that when you go out of the room you did not disappear forever. But they don't like it that you are not with them and they are afraid and they cry. They also know that you are my mommy and that person is not. Stranger anxiety is very strong now. So they don't like anyone but mommy - maybe daddy!

When you hide something, your child will now look for it. ( If your child is not there yet, try this: get your child’s attention with a toy. Put it under a blanket and watch your child’s reaction. Will she look for it or act disinterested? Continue doing this every week and you will notice the day object permanence develops. Your child will follow the toy under the blanket and then pull the blanket off to look for the toy.

Why is this important? Because when you walked out of the room before, your child would not look for you. Then one day, your child cried when you walked out.

One night, your child will wake up and want you to be there. You may say "well my child has been waking and crying all along." But that was because your child needed you to help him get back to sleep. Now, he doesn't know how to get to sleep BUT its doubly hard for him because he also realizes that he is all alone for the first time too. 

See, part of the reason it is important to teach children to sleep by themselves, is that we ALL wake up multiple times during the night. It is a natural part of the sleep cycle. But, we, as adults, can just roll over and go back to sleep. We know how to do that.

If you have helped  your child to sleep on his own, he will arouse at the end of a sleep cycle and drift  back to sleep too.

If he does not know how to do that, when he wakes, he needs someone to come in and put him back to sleep, with rocking, or breast feeding, or a bottle or any number of things he has associated with sleep. 

But when separation anxiety hits, when baby wakes up at the end of the sleep cycle,  now they realize that they are all alone, and they are afraid and they cry. Only now it is blood curdling terrified scream because he knows you are somewhere that is not with him and he is afraid to be alone.

And even those babies who know how to put themselves to sleep need help during this time. (But, if you are careful not to start any negative habits out of desperation, when this season passes, he will know how to go back to sleep on his own very quickly) 

Reason# 2 Explosion of Developmental Skills.

Just look at all of the new learning your child is doing.The baby has an explosion in her development.  She is learning all kinds of new things. At 9 months, she is learning to get to a sitting position from lying down. She can pull herself up to stand and may even cruise around the sofa or coffee table.  She is learning to talk and babbles mamama all day. She can point to what she wants and will play with you. 

All of that new learning is reinforced during your child’s sleep. In her sleep she is practicing all of these skills. But when she wakes up at the end of a sleep cycle, instead of going back to sleep she decides is a good idea to practice.

Except when she practices sitting up - oops now she can’t lay back down.

And now she has pulled up to stand at the side of the crib - but  she gets stuck and cant get back down and HELP! Now she needs you to come to her rescue.

Or she is talking to the baby in the crib mirror and is now fully awake….and needs help getting back to sleep.
Do you see where all of it is going?

So you may have to go in every time she wakes up and lay her back down and help her get back to sleep. Exhausting? Oh Yeah! But It is all just a phase - albeit a miserable one.

But it makes for some very miserable nights.

What you do now can determine how long it lasts.

And heaven help you if Separation Anxiety Regressions and Developmental Milestones Regressions occur at the same time. 

 But honestly. I am not sure which is better. Because what may happen is she may go through the phase of separation anxiety and just as she has mastered this developmental phase and you thought you had her back sleeping she may begin to go through some developmental milestones and wake again. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news!! 

Reason # 3  Dropping the 3rd Nap

At this age, some babies are still taking 3 naps and need to drop one. How do you know this?

• Baby fights going down for naps and takes longer to fall asleep.
• Naps are shorter in length.
• Babies begin waking up at night again
• Baby is more fussy and irritable 
• Cant't last until his regular bedtime

Most babies between 7-10 months drop to 2 naps a day. If you have already taken that 3rd nap away, sometimes the baby will need that 3rd nap a few times a week to catch up on some sleep during the transition. That is ok. It may take awhile to transition all the way to 2 naps a day.

Babies who don’t get enough sleep are irritable, fussy, cranky and can be really miserable. So, let them get that extra sleep occasionally if they need it.

Sleep regressions can be really hard and everyone just wants to get through and sometimes we do what we have to do.

But in an effort to just get a little more sleep sometimes we accidentally start things that become habits that end up making sleep more difficult in the long run.

9 month olds are creatures of habit. What you start you may have to continue from here on out.

We are going to talk about these 3 events separately - Separation Anxiety, Developmental Milestone Bursts and Dropping a Nap.

And I will give you some tips for how to handle these regressions as gently as possible and get through them with your sanity - but also without ending up with worse sleep problems that when you started. 

So let’s talk about The Do’s and The Don’ts of the 9 month Sleep Regression

Reason #1 Separation anxiety

The Do’s

You do need to go to your baby at this age.

Right now, baby is fearful and needs reassurance that you are near and not leaving him

• Go in and offer comfort
• It’s ok to pick up and cuddle
• Brief pickups are best
• Lay him down and pat him
• Try to get him to fall asleep in his crib on his own

Even if you are standing next to him

But if you need to rock and sway and hold him, it is ok

• You need to let him know you are here

The Don’ts

This is not the time to decide to start a rigid sleep training program

You have waited this long - you gotta stick it out now

• No cry it out
• No big change in routine right now
• Don’t start any new sleep habits that you don't want to do forever
• No laying down with baby, etc
• No taking him into your bed (I know it sounds easier but believe me it is so hard to undo)
• No feeding him or giving him a bottle
• He isn’t hungry - he misses you (if you think your child is hungry feed more in the daytime or talk to your healthcare provider)

Some helpful hints

Give lots of extra reassurance in the day time

Practice object permanence games in the day -

• peek a boo,
• go around the corner while talking to baby -  then pop back in sight 

Babies develop attachment to favorite toys at this age

My favorite technique at this age is to give a lovely 

a small, hand held, wash cloth sized comfort blankie as a “transitional comfort object”.

This is something that provides comfort in your absence.

Give it to her all the time. In the carseat, in the stroller, when she is fussy, when she goes down for her nap.

You are encouraging her attachment to it.

Give it a name - here is your lovie, blankie, whatever.

You can purchase these anywhere

Some have little animal heads, some are silky, some have tags on the edges that kids like to feel in their sleep (instead of playing with your hair)-

Go to the store and let her hold them all  until she chooses her favorite.

Get a few spares. You don't want to loose your lovie and have a meltdown!

But stick with one lovie for attachment

When she wakes at night, help her find the lovie and lay her back down.

Hopefully she will learn to wake and reach for the lovie without you before too long.

Develop a consistent bedtime routine

Keep a strict day routine - no matter how tired in the morning, get up at same time, breakfast same time, lunch and naps same time

Reason #2 Developmental Milestone Bursts

The Do’s

• 
  Lower the mattress as soon as baby is sitting up- you don’t want your baby to fall out
• Keep your interactions quick and quiet
• Go in and help her
• Encourage her to get down on her own
• Pat the bed and show and tell baby what to do
• If baby can’t help herself 

Go ahead and help lay her down while showing her how

If, for example baby is standing - squat down and pat the mattress.

Baby will have to squat to see you and may get back down on own

• During the day practice all of the new skills over and over until baby can manage on own

Daytime is for practice - night is for sleeping!! 

• Make sure all sleep is in the crib - no naps one place and night another
• Take all distractions (toys, mirrors, mobiles lights etc) out of room and crib so baby doesn't want to play
• Breakfast and meals at same time daily
• Keep morning and nap schedule the same
• May need to go to bed a little earlier a few nights a week  - to catch up on sleep
• Adjust bedtime but not wake up time

The Don’ts

• Don’t start any new habits out of desperation as above
• Don't be playful in the night - its sleepy time not play time
• Don’t be entertaining- the middle of the night is not play time!
• Don’t let laying baby down become a game
  • (Lay down pop up game)  
• If baby can't help herself, don't frustrate her trying to get her to do it

Just lay her down

• Remind yourself this is a phase

Once baby has established the new skills it will pass

• Don’t sleep in late to make up for waking ( keep wake up time the same)

Reason #3  Dropping Nap # 3

The Do’s

• Keep wake up time the same
• Lengthen time to first nap a little more each day
• Lengthen time between first and  second nap
• Drop 3rd nap
• May need that 3 rd nap if too sleepy on some days
• May need to move bedtime earlier one or two days a week while transitioning to catch up on sleep

The Don’t

• Don’t let that last occasional nap run into bedtime
• Don’t let last nap be more than a catnap
• Don’t let it be closer than 3 ½ hours before bedtime
• Don’t sleep later in morning

Remember all of this is just a developmental phase. My own mom used to say “This Too Shall Pass”. And it always does. Nothing lasts forever.

Even when it feels like it will!

If you find that you need some help working on your baby’s sleep routine, work on that after he has passed out of these sleep regressions. Never work on more than one thing at a time.

It is not fair to your baby to decide to tackle a big problem when he is in the middle of a baby crisis! 

Remember, this is all part of your baby growing up. He isn’t doing anything to you deliberately.

His excessive waking is not a failure on your part as a parent.

I have given you some tips that you can do as a parent to get through this rough patch. And it is rough. I understand.  

When he passes out of this phase, teaching him better sleep habits may be something that you want to focus on, if you haven’t taught him that already.

But in this phase, the most important thing is not starting any habits that makes sleep worse for all of you in the long run. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.

But, today, helping guide him through this phase of his development, is all that matters. You can do this. And This Too Shall Pass.

And I am here for you, as well as the friends in the Private Dream Baby Cafe Community. So come grab that cup of coffee and join us over there for more support and encouragement. 

If you have been through the 9 month sleep regression, let us know what you did that helped. If you are just going through, let us help you get through. Meet you in the Dream Baby Neighborhood.